I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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