I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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