So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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