someone get that fucking seahorse.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
