i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
