I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
