naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
