I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
