i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
