Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
