I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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