yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
