i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
