It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
