i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
