I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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