i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
