This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
