the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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