feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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