dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize