i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
