omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Randomize
