I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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