My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize