Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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