a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
