I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
