Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
