In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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