VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
