drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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