you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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