Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
