Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
