how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
