I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
