addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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