I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
