I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
