just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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