i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
