There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
