My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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