I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
