I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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