Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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