the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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