omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
