i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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