I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
