moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize