Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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