How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
