I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
