I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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