She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i think my cat just said my name.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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