People in love make me want to vomit
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
