i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize