things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize