Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
