last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
