Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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