tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
