I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize