somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
