i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
