I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
