if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
