If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
