he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
